When I'm Gone
by Kdawg8801
Summary: Daryl's point of view of the aftermath of Beth's death, and his and the group's struggles and sorrows and grief. Bethyl, One-Shot, Spoilers. Rated T for heavy subjects and harsh language. Inspired by the song Cups (When I'm Gone) by Anna Kendrick


**So this is my first walking dead one-shot fanfic. SPOILER: Ever since Beth died on the show, I've just been so compelled to write about it. Also I cried for like a week. It's just that right after her character started to really develop and get really great and cool, they went and killed her off. It's just not fair and I think it's a big mistake on the writer's part, but whatever. So yeah anyway I got the idea to write this when I got the song Cups (When I'm Gone) stuck in my head, and well, you'll see**

 **Warning: Spoilers (duh), heavy subjects, harsh language, Bethyl**

 **I do not own anything from The Walking Dead, if I did, Beth wouldn't be dead, and a few other characters...**

* * *

 **When I'm Gone**

It all happened so fast. Beth walked up to Dawn and said something that I couldn't hear. Then without warning, she suddenly pulled out a pair of scissors and stabbed her, but just in the shoulder. But at the same time, a gun went off. Beth's head flung back, as a bullet shot into in. I then watched in horror and rage and despair as Beth's body crumpled to the ground. Looks of horror appeared on everyone's face, even Dawn's and she started to try to say something, but I pulled out my gun and shot the fucking bitch in the head, and her body hit the floor.

Now blood pooled at our feet, from the bitch and from Beth... _My precious Beth..._ Rick raised up his gun at the other people, but the cop woman that I didn't care to remember the name of right then started yelling something, and Rick started saying something in response. But I wasn't really listening anymore.

 _She's gone. Beth. The light in the darkness. My reason for going on. An angel. An inoccent pure little girl, shot in the head by a crazed woman in a world where the dead eat the living. What a fucked up way for such a young, beautiful, kind girl to die. It's not fair. It's not fucking fair. She didn't deserve that... And I could have prevented it... If I had been faster in getting away from the walkers back at the church, I could have saved her before she was kidnapped by these fucked up people... It's all my fault... And... I should have told her that I loved her... But now I will never get to..._

My mind barely registered that Carol was hugging me and whispering something to me. I suddenly ripped away from her, my body sort of on auto-pilot as my mind and heart was in despair. I walked over to Beth's body, surrounded by a pool of blood, and collapsed to my knees next to her body, her blood soaking into my already dirty and tattered jeans. I stared at her body for a few moments before, as gently as possible, taking her into my arms.

Her skin that used to be warm and fair, was now cold and pale. Her lips that used to usually show a soft smile, were now stiff and cold. Her bright blue eyes that used to be filled with hope and kindness, were now half open and cloudy. I slowly and softly brought my hand to her eyes and closed them. I barely noticed that everyone was staring at me and her body in my arms, their eyes filled with tears and sympathy.

I then slowly stood up, her body hanging limp in my arms, and we all started to walk out of the hospital. That kid, Noah, came along with us. The kid that Beth died for. She must have really cared about him. I should probably try to make friends with him or something when the time is right, Beth would have probably liked that.

Right as we walked out of the hospital, the rest of our group pulled up in that fucking firetruck that must have been used to mow down about a hundred walkers. I was pretty surprised that it still worked. Then they all hopped out of the firetruck and started walking towards us. Maggie had a small smile on her face, expecting to see her little sister alive and well. But then Rick, who was in the front, started shaking his head with a grim expression on his face, and Maggie's face fell into one of dread and horror. Then I walked out, with Beth's body in my arms, and Maggie just crumpled to the ground and started screaming and crying, and I was crying too. Then the next few hours were just a blur.

* * *

I wiped the glistening sweat off of my forehead with my shirt, and I looked up at the merciless sun for a few moments before going back to digging Beth's grave, her body wrapped up in a white sheet on the ground a few feet away.

I don't really remember the way here, I had just blocked out most my surroundings. But I know we all got into the firetruck and left the city, and the whole time Maggie sobbed and wailed with Beth's body now in her arms, and rocked back and forth with Beth's body, sobbing and whispering things to her body, as if she was going to say something back.

We drove on a road that cut through many fields for an horur or so, until we saw small hill in the middle of one field that had a large beautiful oak tree growing at the top of it, and we all knew that was where we had to bury Beth without even having to say anything. We parked the firetruck next to a small farmhouse that was close to the hill, and it took a while to convince Maggie to let go of Beth's body, but eventually she put her into my arms, and they all led Maggie inside of the farmhouse. I took Beth's body and went and laid it gently in the grass, and I went to look for a shovel. My had face looked emotionless as I searched, but on the inside I was screaming, raging, greiving. I eventually found one leaning against the back of the house, and went back to Beth's body.

I found Carol finishing up wrapping Beth's body in a white sheet that she must have found inside. She looked up when I approached and put on a smile that looked full of pain. "I can help you if you want." She said softly, stepping up to me.

I shook my head. "Nah, I wanna do this myself." I replied firmly.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, and she nodded back before walking away and going inside to a wailing Maggie.

Even now, all the way from the top of this hill, I could still hear her wails. I understand that her little sister, her last living family member was dead and she was greiving and all, but if she didn't shut the fuck up she was gonna draw every walker for miles, then we would all be dead. When Merle died, I didn't scream and cry for hours like a crazed idiot and draw hundreds of walkers. I did the respectable thing and kept strong for everyone else, as I was doing now. Sort of.

I kept on digging, sweating my ass off and my muscles were aching. Even with the shade from the tree, it was still hot as hell. But I kept on, without stopping even for a few moments. I decided I should think of things to distract myself from the heat and the pain in my arms. And of course, my thoughts immdiately went to Beth. I thought about that night we stayed in that shitty cabin and we drank moonshine and I acted like a total asshole. But of course she still forgave me, even though I didn't deserve it. That's just how sweet and kind and amazing she was.

I remembered something she said that night.

 _"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."_

 _She was right. I miss her more than anything, and I would give anything to have her back. I loved her... I love her. But now she'll never know. Even if she didn't feel the same way, and I'm sure she wouldn't have, I would still feel better if she knew._

Suddenly, what she said reminded me of that one song that you played with cups or whatever. I had thought it was pretty stupid and annoying when everyone and their grandma were trying to learn how to do the stupid cup thing, but now this song felt very important to me. I could just picture Beth singing that song, while we all sat by a fire in the woods and listened to her, like we used to. Her beautiful voice would sooth us and relax us and let us forget about our worries, even if it was just for a few minutes.

 _I've got my ticket for the long way 'round_

 _Two bottle whiskey for the way_

 _And I sure would like some sweet company_

 _And I'm leavin' tomorrow. What d'you say?_

My head snapped up when I head the growls and snarls and groans of walkers, and I looked around and spotted about six walkers heading towards the farmhouse where a wailing Maggie could still be heard. "Why hasn't she shut up already..?" I growled under my breath. I quickly went and grabbed my Stryker that I had leaned against the tree and quickly took out five of the walkers, then I was out of arrows so I quickly ran down the hill and took out the last walker with my Busse, stabbing it in the back of the head. I then ripped my arrows out of the back of the other walker's heads. Then, finally, I heard the wailing slowly die down.

I slowly trudged back up the hill, and scanned the miles of fields, and luckily I didn't see any more walkers. Yet. So I went and leaned my Stryker back against the tree and went back to work. My thoughts returned to Beth, tormenting me again.

 _I didn't even deserve her. Why would some asshole redneck ever deserve a girl like her? She was only with me cause I'm the one she ended up with when the prison went down. I bet the whole time we were out there on our own, she was wishing she ended up with anyone else but me. I was cold and harsh to her and acted like a total asshole. The only thing I could offer was protection, and in the end. I didn't even give her that. She didn't get any love or kindess or happiness at all either before she died. And I could have given her that, but I was just too fucking scared too._

I couldn't tell if it was tears or sweat running down my face now. Probably both. I looked up for a few moments and saw that the sun would be down in about an hour or so. Luckily, I was nearly done.

I suddenly thought back to when we were at the prison, and I realized that I even had some sort of feelings for her then. Whenever I was perched at the top of one of the towers on guard duty, I would watch Beth whenever she came outside. When she played with and watched Judith, when she would run around and play with the little kids, when she would help in the garden and take care of the pigs. I would watch her and I would feel happy and content and relaxed, and a smile would come to my face. Once, a pack of walkers nearly got in cause I was too distracted watching her.

I started imagining Beth singing that song again, except this time it was a bright sunny day at the prison and Beth sat with Judith on the soft grass and she was singing the song to lil' ass kicker.

 _When I'm gone, when I'm gone_

 _You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

 _You're gonna miss me by my hair_

 _You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh_

 _You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

For a minute I thought that she was alive and well and back at that small farmhouse, probably playing with Judith while Rick discussed with the others where we should go next, and I smiled softly. But then I realized that the grave I was digging was deep enough now, and I remembered who I had been digging it for, and my slight smile faltered.

I then stepped out of the grave, leaning the shovel against the tree next to my Stryker, and I walked over to Beth's body. I stared at the sheet that covered it. I couldn't take it, I had to see her face one last time. I slowly reached out and pulled the sheet down her face, and stared at it. Her skin was now a very light grayish with tinges of blue, and ice cold. I stared at the skin that would never again be warm and vibrant. At the lips that would never again smile. At the eyes that would never again be full of hope.

I started to sob as I pulled her cold limp body into my arms and held her tightly against me, and I cried into her shoulder. Warm tears and sweat soaked her shoulder, and I just sat there and held her and cried for what seemed like hours. I finally stopped when I noticed that the sun would be going down soon, and I thought that we should probably have her funeral or whatever before it gets dark.

So, I slowly covered her face back up with the sheet, and walked over to the grave and gently laid her body down in it, before wiping the tears and sweat off of my face with my shirt and walking down the hill and towards the small farmhouse.

* * *

We all stood around and stared down at the grave under the tree with the body of Beth wrapped up in a sheet inside it. No one spoke a word. Maggie finally stopped crying, and had an emotionless expression like mine on her face, but Glenn still held on to her as if he was scared she would literally fall apart at any moment, and Carol stood close to me, looking like she was ready to hug me if I needed it too. Everyone else looked pretty miserable, even the new people, the tough guy Abraham, the tough girl Rosita, the quiet girl Tara, and the pitful annoying smartass Eugene. After we put up with all of his shit, we come to find out that the whole cure thing in DC was a lie that he made up to protect himself. But for some reason, we still keep him around even though he's annoying and doesn't do shit.

Gabriel then stepped in front of the grave and turned to face us, and started to speak.

"We are gathered here today in honor of Beth, a young girl who experienced a horrible death that she certainly didn't deserve. Even though I never got to meet her, I know she was a pure, kind, gentle soul, and I'm sure she has a place up in heaven and is watching us now, happy and forever free of suffering."

He then started preaching some bible verse, but I wasn't paying attention anymore. I looked around at everyone. I looked at Carl with lil' ass kicker in his arms, and felt a pang of sorrow as I realized that she would probably never remember Beth. I looked at Michonne, who I knew would help Beth take care of Judith at times. I looked at Noah, the boy Beth died for, and he looked pretty... guilty. I looked at Rick, who I knew felt like Beth was his daughter. I looked at Carol, who I knew had felt that way too. I looked at Tyreese and Sasha, who I knew had cared about Beth too. I finally looked at Maggie and Glenn, who were now hugging as Maggie silently sobbed into his shoulder.

I started thinking of Beth again. I thought back to when I first met her. Back at the farm with her family. Back when she was naive and didn't yet know all of the horrors of the world. She barely talked or looked at me then. To be honest, I think she was a little scared or intimidated by me then.

I started to imagine her singing that song again, but this time it was at the farm in the horse stables. She sang as she groomed one of the horses, and Maggie and her other sister Patricia were grooming two other horses while Hershal was feeding them all, and they all had smiles on their faces.

 _I've got my ticket for the long way 'round_

 _The one with the prettiest of views_

 _It's got mountains, it's got rivers_

 _It's got sights to give you shivers_

 _But it sure would be prettier with you_

I soon realized that Gabriel had stopped talking, and everyone slowly started to walk away bacn to the farmhouse, everyone except Rick who walked up to me.

"So, me and the others have been talkin' about possibly going to Noah's home up in Virginia. He said it was in a sort of gated community, and that it's probably still there and okay and all. It's worth a shot, and it's what Beth wanted... But I just wanted to get your opinion before we decide anythin'." He said to me, with an expression of respect and sympathy.

I thought for a few moments before responding. "If it's what Beth wanted... then yeah. We should go." I said, and Rick nodded.

"Okay, it's settled. We'll stay here at the farmhouse for the night and set out first thing in the mornin'... I think everyone deserves some rest after what happened today..." He murmured, and I nodded slightly in agreement.

He then glanced over at Beth's grave before looking back at me. "I can bury her. You definitely deserve some rest too." He said, and I immdiately firmly shook my head.

"Nah, I can do it myself. I'm fine." I insisted, and Rick stared at me for a few moments before nodding and walking away towards the farmhouse.

I then turned to the grave, and started to try to work up the courage to pick up the shovel and start burying Beth's body.

 _I'll never see or hear or feel her again... I'll never see her beautiful face... I'll never hear her laugh or sing... I'll never hold her close to me... I won't ever get to tell her I love her and she will never say it back... I'm so sorry Beth... I'm so sorry that I waited too long and now it's too late... I love you Beth..._

Warm tears slipped down my face as I slowly walked over to the shovel and picked it up, and started burying Beth's body. With every shovelful of dirt I dumped over her body, another piece of my heart shattered, even more so than it already had. I was soon done, it didn't take nearly as long to bury a grave than to dig it. I patted the dirt down as smooth as I could before taking the crudely made cross with Beth's name on it that had been laying next to the grave, and pushing it into the head of the grave. I then collasped onto my knees beside the grave, and started sobbing again.

 _Beth... I love you... I miss you... I'm sorry..._

I then suddenly heard singing nearby. The voice sounded beautiful and soft and quite familiar.

 _When I'm gone, when I'm gone_

 _You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

 _You're gonna miss me by my walk_

 _You're gonna miss me by my talk, oh_

 _You're gonna miss me when I'm gone_

I looked up to see who it was. It was Beth. She was leaning against the tree, and she was smiling softly at me. She was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing, but they were clean. The wound on her head was gone. Her hair was clean and was down and fell around her shoulders. Her skin was also clean and was fair and vibrant. Her eyes looked calm and kind, and she almost seemed to be glowing. She was absolutely beautiful. Like an angel.

I knew she wasn't real, but I didn't care.

"You're right." I murmured. "I do miss you. More than anythin'" I stared at her and slowly stood up.

Her smile became slightly pained. "... I miss you too." She murmured back in her beautiful soft voice.

"But, you know you have to stay strong. You have to move on. I know you will. I know you will be happy again. I know you'll be okay. You have to be. For the group... and for me." She said and stepped up to me.

I stared at her for a few moments. "How? How can I be okay? I miss you so much. I'll never jus' be able to forget 'bout you. You'll always be an ache in my heart." I murmured, staring at her with a desperate and sorrowful expression.

She laughed slightly and shook her head. "That's jus' the thing. Don't forget about me. Let me live on in your mind and heart, and in the mind and heart of everyone else. Turn the ache into happiness and love. Jus' think about our happy memories together, and go make new ones, and think about how I'm in a better place now. You'll be okay, Daryl, and I am too. I promise." She said softly and kindly, with a small smile on her face. "Oh, and could you please take care of and watch out for Noah? ...I really care about him."

I slowly nodded. "Yes, of course, I will. ... And I'll do what you said... I'll never forget you. I'll always remember you and think 'bout you." I said, stepping closer to her. "... I love you. I love you Beth, and I have for a long time, and I always will." I said softly, finally saying it.

She smiles and nods, a knowing look on her beautiful face. "I know... I love you too." She murmured softly, smiling sweetly, and I smiled back.

She then stepped up to me, and wrapped her arms around me and closed her eyes and hugged me, and I closed my eyes and hugged her back. I breathed in her sweet scent and felt the rise and fall of her chest against me, I stroked her soft hair and felt her soft skin.

I just held her for a long time, until the sun sank below the horizon and it became dark and the crickets started chirping and I could feel the air start to cool. I opened my eyes and found that there was no longer anyone in my arms, and so I walked over to the tree and picked up my Stryker and slung it behind my back, and walked down the hill towards the farmhouse.

I could feel the wind blow gently past me, and it brought the sound of laughing and singing. The voice of someone happy and free of suffering. I looked back behind me, back at the hill, a small smile on my face.

"See ya, Beth."

* * *

 **So yeah... That took an entire day to write, and it was probably the most emotional and hardest thing I've ever written. I hope you all like it. Also, I am aware that the walking dead started in like 2010 and the Cup song came out in like 2013, but whatever it's fine shhh. So yeah anyway, that was that. Feel free to review.**


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